Dear you,
Anxiety has always been there with me wherever I go. Ever since I was a young girl in third grade watching my friend next to me have a seizure. Ever since I watched someone choke on food so bad they turned blue. Ever since I heard about the tsunami that hit Thailand. Ever since I realized that scary things are real and they can happen to me, even kill me. For me it’s always been driven by death, the fear and certainty of it.
Over the span of ten years I've learned to live with it, not shut it out, not let it control me, but to co-exist with my anxiety. I know what foods not to eat, what topics to avoid, and what it looks like to accept who you are, even the parts that can be challenging to live with.
When I was a young girl I used to think I was the only person in the world with anxiety and OCD. I used to cry myself to sleep at night wondering why my brain would torment me and make living ten times harder. I wouldn’t start to understand just how normal anxiety and OCD is until years later.
My brother and sister never understood why I would close the door and open it four times, turn on and off the light three times, and walk up and down the stairs five times. I got the name “glitcher” from their ignorance and lack of understanding. As a young girl who already felt isolated, then to hear that name over and over again, “mom, Kennedy’s glitching again!”, “dad, tell her to stop!”, “GLITCHER!” It made me feel like I would never belong, like I was a ‘glitch’ in this life, like there was something wrong with me. I actually wouldn't even call it a feeling, it was more like a certainty, I was convinced something was wrong with me and only me.
The more I grew up and began to meet more people in the world, have deeper conversations, I realized that it was never just me. I was not the only person in the world that had my thoughts and struggles. Yes, it looks different for everyone but the feelings can all be the same. Anxious, lonely, nervous, sick, scared, overwhelmed, crazy, dark. OCD and anxiety felt like an infection taking over my whole life, to know that it's the same for others made me find so much comfort.
I've learned to co-exist with it. But just like anything else, it didn't come without struggles and hard days. Looking back now in the present it was and still is all worth it, I would not be where I am today if I didn't have to live through and feel everything that comes with having anxiety. I learned a lot from connecting with others but I also had to learn a lot on my own. Just like those people helped me I want to help you. So, in the spirit of that here are some habits that taught me to learn my anxiety and start to co-exist with it.
1. Don’t grow alone, make sure to surround yourself with people who understand you and your feelings.
Feeling isolated and lonely was one of my biggest struggles. What helped me tons was to connect with family members and even strangers who shared the same struggles and hardships as me. When doing this I learned a lot about how anxiety looks for other people, I also gained so much information and knowledge from others that had helped them and it opened my eyes to so many coping and healing methods.
2. Become self-aware & learn to understand your feelings.
Listen to your body and your mind. Become familiar with your emotions and feelings. DON’T PUSH THEM AWAY!!!!!! When you start to feel a certain way, acknowledge it and ask yourself; Why do I feel this way, what happened to bring this emotion on? How does it make you feel?
3. Write it down.
When experiencing strong emotions and feelings I have found that writing it down in a journal and logging it has made me become more aware of it. It also helps you face it in the moment. So, next time when you are experiencing feelings of anxiety or even when your mind is tormenting you, write it ALL down.
4. Eat foods that are going to make you feel good.
Here are some foods that I've found help me feel good and have a good day.
Green tea, lemon water, turmeric, oatmeal, spinach, sauerkraut, berries, and dark chocolate. I always have at least two of these items in one day. Lemon water is a must for me.
5. Move your body.
Moving your body in some shape or form is very beneficial. I don't mean you have to spend hours at the gym lifting weights and doing tons of cardio, if you're like me, that doesn't sound too appealing. I have found that going to yoga, spin, or even on a 45 minute walk has done me wonders.
The journey never ends. That's the biggest thing I had to come to terms with. I'm always going to have anxiety in some shape or form. But, that doesn't mean it's always going to affect me the same way. If you learn; how to cope with your anxiety, what triggers it, how to come down from it, etc. you will find that it won’t be as miserable or inconvenient. It won’t get worse if you don't let it, it won't control your life if you don't let it, and it won't affect your relationships if you don't let it. It's all work that you have to do for yourself.
The beginning is always the scariest part. Accepting and realizing that you have anxiety and it's a part of your life is the first step to learning to live with it. This diary is one part of that. I want you to read this and feel less alone, feel heard and felt, feel like you can do it. I hope hearing my story will help you learn to control and love yours.
Until next time…
From,
Kennedy.
Anxiety has always been there with me wherever I go. Ever since I was a young girl in third grade watching my friend next to me have a seizure. Ever since I watched someone choke on food so bad they turned blue. Ever since I heard about the tsunami that hit Thailand. Ever since I realized that scary things are real and they can happen to me, even kill me. For me it’s always been driven by death, the fear and certainty of it.
Over the span of ten years I've learned to live with it, not shut it out, not let it control me, but to co-exist with my anxiety. I know what foods not to eat, what topics to avoid, and what it looks like to accept who you are, even the parts that can be challenging to live with.
When I was a young girl I used to think I was the only person in the world with anxiety and OCD. I used to cry myself to sleep at night wondering why my brain would torment me and make living ten times harder. I wouldn’t start to understand just how normal anxiety and OCD is until years later.
My brother and sister never understood why I would close the door and open it four times, turn on and off the light three times, and walk up and down the stairs five times. I got the name “glitcher” from their ignorance and lack of understanding. As a young girl who already felt isolated, then to hear that name over and over again, “mom, Kennedy’s glitching again!”, “dad, tell her to stop!”, “GLITCHER!” It made me feel like I would never belong, like I was a ‘glitch’ in this life, like there was something wrong with me. I actually wouldn't even call it a feeling, it was more like a certainty, I was convinced something was wrong with me and only me.
The more I grew up and began to meet more people in the world, have deeper conversations, I realized that it was never just me. I was not the only person in the world that had my thoughts and struggles. Yes, it looks different for everyone but the feelings can all be the same. Anxious, lonely, nervous, sick, scared, overwhelmed, crazy, dark. OCD and anxiety felt like an infection taking over my whole life, to know that it's the same for others made me find so much comfort.
I've learned to co-exist with it. But just like anything else, it didn't come without struggles and hard days. Looking back now in the present it was and still is all worth it, I would not be where I am today if I didn't have to live through and feel everything that comes with having anxiety. I learned a lot from connecting with others but I also had to learn a lot on my own. Just like those people helped me I want to help you. So, in the spirit of that here are some habits that taught me to learn my anxiety and start to co-exist with it.
1. Don’t grow alone, make sure to surround yourself with people who understand you and your feelings.
Feeling isolated and lonely was one of my biggest struggles. What helped me tons was to connect with family members and even strangers who shared the same struggles and hardships as me. When doing this I learned a lot about how anxiety looks for other people, I also gained so much information and knowledge from others that had helped them and it opened my eyes to so many coping and healing methods.
2. Become self-aware & learn to understand your feelings.
Listen to your body and your mind. Become familiar with your emotions and feelings. DON’T PUSH THEM AWAY!!!!!! When you start to feel a certain way, acknowledge it and ask yourself; Why do I feel this way, what happened to bring this emotion on? How does it make you feel?
3. Write it down.
When experiencing strong emotions and feelings I have found that writing it down in a journal and logging it has made me become more aware of it. It also helps you face it in the moment. So, next time when you are experiencing feelings of anxiety or even when your mind is tormenting you, write it ALL down.
4. Eat foods that are going to make you feel good.
Here are some foods that I've found help me feel good and have a good day.
Green tea, lemon water, turmeric, oatmeal, spinach, sauerkraut, berries, and dark chocolate. I always have at least two of these items in one day. Lemon water is a must for me.
5. Move your body.
Moving your body in some shape or form is very beneficial. I don't mean you have to spend hours at the gym lifting weights and doing tons of cardio, if you're like me, that doesn't sound too appealing. I have found that going to yoga, spin, or even on a 45 minute walk has done me wonders.
The journey never ends. That's the biggest thing I had to come to terms with. I'm always going to have anxiety in some shape or form. But, that doesn't mean it's always going to affect me the same way. If you learn; how to cope with your anxiety, what triggers it, how to come down from it, etc. you will find that it won’t be as miserable or inconvenient. It won’t get worse if you don't let it, it won't control your life if you don't let it, and it won't affect your relationships if you don't let it. It's all work that you have to do for yourself.
The beginning is always the scariest part. Accepting and realizing that you have anxiety and it's a part of your life is the first step to learning to live with it. This diary is one part of that. I want you to read this and feel less alone, feel heard and felt, feel like you can do it. I hope hearing my story will help you learn to control and love yours.
Until next time…
From,
Kennedy.
